Remarks of the Secretary-General at the United Nations Correspondents Association dinner

Mr. and Mrs. Branson, Senior and Junior,

Distinguished Permanent Representatives,

Ms. Sorvino,

Mr. Lurie,

Mr. Williams,

Mr. Ucciardo,

Excellencies, ladies and gentlemen,

Thank you, Mr. UNCA President, for those kind words. My wife and I are excited to be here again.

Before I go any further, let me lower any expectations the journalists may have of me from last year. I will not do any James Bond impersonations this time. And I will not be brave enough to sing. Especially with a music industry giant like Richard Branson in the room.

Mr. Branson, let me welcome you to the United Nations. It is not the first time you are here, of course. You are an ally of the UN, and the Citizen of the Year award you are here to receive is profoundly deserved. As with everything else you do, your brand of world citizenship is cutting edge. From educating young entrepreneurs in Africa, to founding the Elders Group, to funding alternative and renewable energy -- you are as bold as your hot air balloon flights.

Hot air is all too common in this house, so let me commend the correspondents who do such a good job in challenging it. I warmly congratulate all those who have won UNCA awards this evening. And I join UNCA in paying tribute to all journalists around the globe who have made sacrifices and even risked their lives to put the truth in front of the world's people.

To all the UN press corps, let me say thank you for the frank and constructive exchanges we have enjoyed over the past year. Some have been particularly frank. A few of you have advised me that I should improve my technique in delivering remarks. Warren Hoge of The New York Times even told me I had a wooden style of delivery. I'd like to answer the charge by paraphrasing Elvis Presley. For you, the correspondents, breaking my heart in two is not hard to do. If you abandoned me, I know that I would cry -- maybe I would die. After all, you were the first people I saw on the morning of my first day in office. It was always you from the start. And I'm not a man with a wooden heart.

Nor do I have a wooden tongue. Let me prove it to you. Allow me to offer holiday greetings by borrowing from the traditional poem of the Season, “A Visit from St. Nicholas”:

'Twas the night before UNCA, when all through the house

The only thing stirring was the Secretariat mouse.

The deadlines were past, stories finished with care,

In hopes that a scoop would soon be on the air;

The editors slumbered like logs in their beds,

While dreams of exclusives danced in their heads;

Michèle in her bonnet, John Holmes in his cap,

Had finally left for a long winter's nap,

When on the North Lawn there arose such a chatter,

That OIOS came to study the matter.

A sleigh and a driver, lit up by the moon,

The driver none other than me, Ban Ki-moon!

Behind me some glad correspondents then came,

I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Go, Edie! Go Laura! Go Maggie! Go Benny!

When you fly my sleigh I am quicker than any!”

I'm faster than Branson's new jet when we roll,

So James Bone flew with me to the South Pole!

Did I bring you all back a sleigh full of toys?

Well I've kept a long list of all girls and boys,

Who've been nice or naughty since this time last year,

I told you I would -- I was singing right here.

Did you write a blog about me every week?

Did Nambiar enquire into who was the leak?

You'll all be kept waiting until Christmas Eve

Before you find out what I have up my sleeve.

I'm off now to Bali, climate change I must fight,

Or else Christmas next will be even less white,

For now let me say as I drive out of sight

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.